My New Obsession

Caramel sweet molasses thick

Dripping out of whatever ecstasy is made of

Pleasantly becoming the only thing I dream of

Standing at attention eager to be requested

Humbled to be even a extra in the films that play

In your mind while gather your thoughts

Intrigued by you idiosyncrasies

I am lost in whatever this scent is that proceeds you

I have draped and doused my pillows

Stained my teeth and burnt my tongue

Because I taste it in my sleep

So potent that it dribbles out of my subconscious

And halts every plan that I make

My new obsession is

Trying to figuring out  how to say hello  

Persistent

Still Working at it with nothing but time on my hands. Can’t wait to see where this road takes me.

Shipwrecked

Drowning in regret and regretting  it

Cemented on a floor that doesn’t exist

Floating on a brittle board

Held together by what should have been

Clinging on how it use to be

Blinded everybody from the truth

And the truth is

I miss you

Who ever this is

She’s not the one I feel in love with

Or maybe I died trying to resurrect a caterpillar

when I should’ve been dancing with a butterfly

But here we are….Shipwrecked

With no possible way to get back to us

But do we want to though?

Sesenne_Descartes

My shading needs work but I am falling in love with losing myself while I’m drawing.

Thinking of taking up painting, not to confident on that but it’s an itch.

Ms. Descartes represents strength, beauty and passion, at least from where I sit.

A staunch reminder of my grandmother, whom during my time with her, seemed like the harshest woman on the planet. Looking back now there are so many questions I would have asked her. So many things that I would like to know.

It is complete lunacy the type of emotions this piece dredged up.

Don’t know why I enjoy it so much? still….. the journey continues.

Anonymity

Frustrated with not being able to put the image in my head on paper, leads me to this.

Not exactly what I envisioned but here it is.

Hope she is received well ,

let me know what you think.

Big Eyes

I’m finding it surprisingly therapeutic, drawing.

Always wanted to but never took the time.

Now that i am, I find it difficult to stop.

This is the beginning of my journey.

God willing you stay here long enough to see me get better.

A Basic Human Right

salty nipples

moist lips an elevated heartbeat

your soft skin

births firm thoughts

eagerly anticipating penetrating your soul

heartbreak out work desires to move on

but you kidnapped my attempts at self destruct

stimulated my loins

and reintroduced me to a basic human right

areola on my chest

my hands all over your curves

your soaked lips swallow my rage

mining for amnesia

palpitating amok in this delusion of euphoria

and what a delusion it is

reality awaits though

but for now I bask in the glory

that lays between your thighs 

not letting what could have been

deprive me of my basic human right

Boo’d Up

 

One of my closest friends just gave me some good news yesterday, He has a girlfriend.

After the apocalyptic end of his last long standing relationship, I’m happy he met someone to call his girlfriend. Happy to know that he’s at least open to the option of doing it again …… (a serious relationship that is). So many people don’t have the option of starting over at least in their minds anyway. After heartbreak it’s a make it or bust kind of situation. Even if you’re a positive person most time finding someone who has the like mind to create a healthy environment for love to flourish is nearly impossible. It’s been long enough and he’s a good guy, plus I’m tired of being the only married one.

There was a tinge of hesitation when he told me, kind of like when you finally tell your mom about your girlfriend for the first time. Maybe it’s just me because it’s been a minute since his last one and he’s been on the single male none sense for a while now. So it’s not gonna hit me till I finally meet her but the fact he told me…… the way he told me….she sounds like a keeper. Now I’ve been wrong about this he/she sounds like a keeper thing before.

The last time I thought that and said it out loud….IT DIDN”T GO TOO WELL…..and that’s an understatement. Maybe that’s where me hearing hesitation in his voice comes from. My own insecurities about my friends being hurt because they were in an unhealthy relationship. Having a good thing make you want the same thing for everyone around you. So him making that step has me in an extra good mood. It also has me asking myself the question….. When is the right time to get boo’d up.

How do you know for sure it’s time to let someone into your life or does it just happen?

For me it was instant, I mean I just know for the get go. Now don’t ask me how I knew, I just knew….I just felt it. To this day I can’t explain it but it’s there and I can’t shake it off nor do I want to. That’s just me though, how about everybody else?

A relationship is a big deal, one minute you’re single carefree and the next you become somebody’s emergency contact.

Some people don’t look at things in that manner because their emotions are ragging and everything he/she does is so amazing and uplifting it becomes hypnotizing. Then life happens…the honeymoon period ends and your eyes open up. Now what are we going to do, their little idiosyncrasies become boulders in the hallway type of situations. Your mother or your Pops don’t like me type of situation, or my personal favorite, you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube the wrong way type of situation.  Things can get a little petty but I believe in as much as a relationship is about compromise, certain things should be a must have before you allow someone to occupy that real estate called your heart.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be respected and treated as an equal. Don’t give to get nothing in return, maintaining a relationship is hard work so don’t jump into one without bring all the tools needed nor do you entertain someone , that to you doesn’t have the right tools…( no pun intended).

Just the thoughts that have been going through my mind since he told me he has a girlfriend……a girlfriend? Never thought I would hear that from him. But there are those rare situations where everything goes as well as it should.

Hopefully this is one of those times.

The Way I Feel About You

Men don’t speak much on their feelings if at all.

This is the general consensus amongst most women and if not all, 90% of the male around me. Why is this so?

Your guest is as good as mine.

Now these are not facts, just some observations I’ve made but maybe it’s because from a very young age we’re taught to be tough, stay strong and don’t cry. A man isn’t considered a man if he cannot protect his family, so therefore he has to be the captain at the helm, the general ready to fight at a moment’s notice. He has to be a leader not just physically but emotionally as well because if he cracks then everyone crumbles.

And let’s be truthful no-one wants to follow someone who crumbles at the mere thought of pressure. We want an emotionless steel figure who knows what to do in every instant. Unfortunately for us this type of figure comes with a price. No emotion means no empathy, no sympathy and no love which isn’t an emotion at all but we’ll save that for another post.

So now your big strong man savior is a distant and almost heartless being on one end and a sweetheart at another. He doesn’t seem to understand why you get so emotional about certain situation. He is convinced that he is fulfilling his duties to the best of his abilities yet you somehow keep implying that he doesn’t care.

Clearly there is a disconnect,

Most men have their father’s point of view when it comes to women. This can be misogynistic, and completely cutoff from what the male and female interaction should be as it pertains to relationships.

Others have their mom’s point of view, which can be a good or a bad thing. He can learn to have a greater respect and love for women or be a little too suspicious of every woman he finds an interest in because no one is ever good enough. Neither perspective guarantees that he’ll be the type of man that you’d like him to be. He can only be the type of man he is, not constantly talking about his feeling doesn’t mean he’s not paying attention to you. He’s just not able to articulate his emotions the way you do.

When you understand that then you’ll be able to have the kind of conversations you want to have with him. Believe it or not that’s a woman’s greatest asset, having the missing piece of the male psyche. Every man becomes a better man as soon as they find the right woman. Now this I can definitely say is fact… I’ve seen it. Men don’t talk about their feeling because .

So don’t let what I don’t say narrate the way I feel about you.

I Could Be Wrong

I believe there are fundamental differences between men and women. Right now I’m only interested in one and that’s Attention. We as men are always told that we don’t pay enough nor give enough attention to our significant other. I’m at a point in my life where I’m confused as to what that means.

Am I to spend every moment of my day pandering to your every whim? A major exaggeration I know but to most of us men that’s how it comes across. I love spending time with my wife but I also believe that couples should have a life outside of the relationship. Now before you ladies have a heart attack, I’ll explains.

I don’t believe that anyone, male or female should latch on to their significant other and follow them blindly to wherever it is they are headed to. To me a relationship flourishes when the people involved have something to add to said relationship.

Which leads me back to this question of attention. There should be some time apart engaging in other activities. Accumulating useful and exciting information that you can come back and share with your partner, so you two have something to talk about.

So if I’m spending all of my free time with you, what kind of conversations are we having? How was work, how was your day? Isn’t that gonna get stale after a couple months.

I want you to tell me something new, something titillating that we can spend hours decoding. It doesn’t have to be something intellectually prolific. It can be the dumbest thing ever but if you think it’s cool we can talk about it.

As oppose to just being around, which is what (from my experience and from what my male friends usually allude to) is what most women want.

But I could be wrong…….Ladies let me know what you think. I’m never to old to learn.